Day 4: Not Quite Selfless

During my interactions with people back home, I've gotten a lot of compliments for my current fellowship, as if the work I'm doing in Indonesia is some kind of altruistic thing. Well I want to set the record straight and tell you right now that it's not true. To suggest I'm being purely selfless in my actions would be a bit of a stretch.

No, I came out here for rather selfish reasons, and I was reminded of this today when I was sitting there at the workshop site, on top of a hill in Larantuka, east Flores, taking a break and drinking tubruk-style coffee made of locally obtained and roasted beans. Surrounded by women and men with only good intentions for their communities, I drank and laughed and tried my best to fit in. Every now and then, I would glance at the coconut trees and the mountains off in the distance, and I would shake my head in disbelief at what I was seeing.

I realized that I live for these kinds of moments. My heart melts completely, meeting people in the land they call home, enjoying their lifestyle and aspirations together with them, helping out where I can. Even if I am perpetually the hopeless and awkward foreigner.

So then I get to thinking, what does this all mean? Maybe it means I'm doomed. If I go back home and look back on Indonesia as only a "fond memory", I don't think I could be happy. Indeed I think that moments of volunteering in Seattle were some of my happiest, especially when I got to mentor Dhan; and even Boeing had its good parts, without which I wouldn't have a unique network of amazing friends.

But I think I'll forever be craving moments like this, being with people whose lifestyles are just so different from what I know. There's a thrill I get from living in new places, new landscapes, while meeting new friends and coming to appreciate what they value most, especially when it's something I've often taken for granted  — in the case of this workshop, toilets. And if, in some small way, I can use my skills to help advance this community's goals for the betterment of their future, that's what I'll do. (Not that I'm doing anything special at this workshop. I'm merely playing the part of a photographer.)

I gotta find some way to tame this craving, or better yet keep it fed, no matter where I am.


ps) I posted some photos for the last entry, Day 3: Larantuka, seaside YDD